This post is all about how to forgive.
Many of us, including myself, find it hard to forgive others and let go of the hurt that they have caused us. We tend to hold on to grudges and the pain, and never move forward.
I first want to say that it is okay if you find yourself struggling in this area. It is completely normal. People can be so hurtful, and so tragically abusive that in our minds we cannot even begin to imagine how we can forgive them, let alone move forward with peace. Just like everything else in our lives, God gives us so much support and guidelines in his word to help us through these hard feelings.
How To Forgive Like Jesus Did
1. They do not have to say sorry. Do not look for apology.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”Romans 5:8 NKJV
Oftentimes when we find ourselves having disagreements with people, we want them to apologize first. We tend to feel that if they didn’t apologize or try to make things right with us, that they don’t deserve our forgiveness.
Looking to the Bible, we see that we are taught to love and treat others as Jesus does. Jesus did the most selfless and humble act ever and sacrificed himself even though most of the world would reject him. So while we were actively sinning and running away from God, Jesus still chose us. Jesus chose us before we ever chose him. He forgave us and welcomed us before we ever said sorry and repented to him.
So, even though it burns deep down when someone doesn’t apologize, or arrogantly refuses to reason with you, forgive them. Because Jesus forgave you. Even though we didn’t deserve it. You never know what your act of forgiveness and kindness will do for the other person down the road. They can come to the truth. Right now, all we have to do is represent who Jesus is and show his character to others.
2. Look at what you have done
““For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV
Similar to what was previously stated, Jesus’ act on the cross is the biggest inspiration and symbol of forgiveness. But his grace doesn’t stop just in one act of redeeming you from a sinner to a child of God. We fall and mess up daily, and need his grace at all times because we do not automatically become perfect when we convert to Christianity. We have to pray every day for God’s forgiveness because we are human and make mistakes.
If you look at the things you have done, all the ways you have failed God and messed up, or have fallen short and developed regrets, you will soon see that everyone is just like you. We all fall short of the glory of God. And if Jesus can continuously forgive you of your sin, day in and day out, you can extend some grace to others. None of us is perfect. We are all growing and learning and changing. The best thing to do is pray for them. Ask God to reveal what they did wrong to them and allow God to change their heart and view on the situation. God can turn anyone around. Its out of our hands.
3. God will avenge
“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” Romans 12:19 NKJV
The first thing that comes to our minds when someone wrongs us is to get revenge. We want someone to hurt the way they hurt us. But the Bible distinctly warns against this, and here’s why: God said he will handle it.
God is our great defender. God sees and knows everything. In his word, he compares our relationship as a father and a child. As a father, he protects and provides for us. If anyone tries to hurt us, just as we would defend our own children, he will defend us. God doesn’t want the hatred and anger to build up in our hearts towards others. Revenge makes us think irrationally, eats at our heart, and takes us away from our spiritual peace and loving mind. In efforts to keep us sanctified, God promises that he will take care of the situation.
Trust that God knows what he is doing. It may seem as if he didn’t avenge us sometimes, but God keeps his promises. One way or the other, God will defend his people and it will be in the best way- a way that we couldn’t have even done ourselves. So rest easy, and know that you are in good hands.
4. Hurt people hurt people, it wasn’t your fault
“Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” And they divided His garments and cast lots.” Luke 23:34 NKJV
A lot of people in this world are hurt, and distressed, and don’t have the means to get help or support. Their pain comes out in many different ways, and can cause others pain as well. Think of the times that you were in a bad place. It could be a bad day at work, your family is falling apart, you just ended a long term relationship, or you’re struggling with immense health problems. You may not have done outrageous horrible things, but you probably wasn’t the best to be around at times. This can be true of others as well.
The trauma we have in our lives can bleed onto others if we aren’t careful. You never know what someone else is going through. So, the same way you would want some understanding from others when you are going through a difficult time, give that understanding to others. Some people may be on their last straw. Some people just don’t know better and performs this way out of sheer ignorance. Give grace to them, the same way God gives grace to you.
5. Turn the other cheek
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,” Matthew 5:44 NKJV
Last but not least, show the people who have hurt you kindness. Arguably, out of all that is listed, this can be the hardest thing to do. Jesus says to pray for our enemies and to do good to those who have wronged us. This can be extremely difficult because we can oftentimes feel that they don’t deserve it. I mean, they are the ones who hurt us, right?
However, in doing this, we show the love of God.
Firstly, we surrender our innate desires to his will and commandments by not doing what we feel is right (which is hurting them back) but by doing what God says to do and love them. By doing this, we show God that we are obedient, and step down from a selfish role and place him on the throne as ruler of our life. Secondly, we invite others to experience salvation in God. By being like Christ and turning the other cheek, we show that as Christians, we serve a God that is loving and forgiving (so much that it pours out into us and then into the world!)
You never know who you will speak to when you show them kindness and forgiveness. God commands us to be gentle towards others because that is how he was to us when he first saved from sin! If he was mean or judgmental or held grudges, we wouldn’t have the safe space to go to him, and cry, and repent from our sins. We would feel ashamed and rejected.
I know this is so hard to do, but we are an extension of God’s love and grace. Others get to know God through us. This means we need to be extra loving and kind, and give grace the same way we received it. We were lost at some point too. We needed forgiveness too (and everyday still do!). Praying for others and being loving is the number one way to convert their heart, and to obey God’s will.
This post was all about how to forgive like Jesus did.
