Can you imagine a life in which you turn away from negative news in the environment and avoid monopolizing the conversation with long litanies concerning your life’s dark pitfalls? If you can imagine such an existence, you may be on the cusp of moving away from negativity. The decision is yours and it really has nothing to do with what is going on in your external life. All those things and people will continue being negative, and you can decide how and when to respond, protecting the precious entity of your mental health in the process.
A Swedish proverb says, “Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.” This is a good cautionary note to not spend too much mental energy on the wrong things, because they will eventually overshadow the better things in life.
Is This What You Want?
Pause for a moment here, take out a piece of paper or a journal, and jot down some notes about where you are in your life now. Just hit the high points of the various categories of your life-health, relationships, career, finances, creative expression-and look at the reality of your existence today. As hard as it may be to believe, the quality of each of those categories, today, is directly related to what you believe and how you speak to yourself concerning those various aspects of life.
Admittedly, it is very easy to blame others or any number of outside circumstances: “The economy is bad; I came from a difficult family; my spouse was unsupportive of my career; I didn’t have an opportunity to earn a graduate degree.” The truth is that dwelling on these outside variables becomes another negative mantra, Shaping your mind and behavior so that those very things are perpetuated. Instead, channel your thinking into something that you like. Perhaps the weather is excellent, and you are looking forward to seeing a good movie.
Fundamental core beliefs are called schemas. These are the deepest beliefs that define the individual, his identity, thoughts, emotions, and ways of being in the world.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a way to look at those things and make some changes internally, then externally. But first, it is up to you to decide what is not working and what you would like to change. It might increase your confidence to select just one or two aspects of your life to focus on. It will do nothing for your self-esteem to imagine that you can change everything overnight. Failure is likely to be the result and your negativity will take another spin downward.
Specific Aspects of Your Life
It may help you to think about the specific parts of your life and how you feel about them. This could be in the form of journaling, a simple list, or a more formal list of things that are working and not working. You might want to include such things as relationships, physical health, financial well-being, career satisfaction, and creative expression. How are you doing with these various pieces of your life?
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