It is unfortunately impossible to control all the aspects of life that make you nervous, but there is considerable choice among certain aspects of your life. It can help to develop a routine and a predictable set of rituals that make you feel calm. Perhaps create a space in your home that is something like an altar, a place that displays images that you associate with a spiritual connection and feeling of safety. This might be where you meditate or pray.
A regular form of exercise is a wonderful way to even out the physical aspects of anxiety, leading to an emotional and mental calm as well. With repeated exercise, you will find your tolerance increasing, so don’t be afraid to up the ante with longer walks or hikes, swimming a few more laps, or doing the merengue for two hours instead of only one.
A warm. circle of friends and relatives who know you and love you is a marvelous antidote to fearfulness. Spend time with those people. Phone them regularly. Text with a quick hello when you know a friend is going to have a tough interview or medical appointment. Spend time in person with those you love, not completely depending on social media sites to maintain your friendship network. An old-fashioned, handwritten card or letter is a welcome surprise these days. Take a few moments to send something to a friend who could use acknowledgment or cheering up. Write your thank you notes, even if you have e-mailed those who have been generous to you.
Develop some daily and weekly rituals that offer emotional and spiritual sustenance. Maybe you have a stack of books that inspire you. Don’t forget to dip into them on a regular basis. Visits to a church, support group, or therapist might be part of your sustaining efforts. Keep these outings regular, and your mind and emotions will respond in a favorable way.
Take the time to keep in touch with friends and family who are geographically distant. With the marvelous digital world at your disposal, you can tell many people that you love them with just the flick of your finger-tips. All these efforts combined have the cumulative effect of increasing your tolerance for ambiguity. Even a familiar, repeated stop for your favorite morning latte can be an enjoyable part of what makes you feel centered and grounded, especially if you get to know the friendly barista.
Moving Past Losses
Transience and mortality are a part of life. In todays fast-paced exis-tence, the shores of security can swiftly shift to insecurity, especially if one is deeply attached to situations or relationships that are unlikely to be lengthy.
When a dear friend or family member dies, there is, of course, a very real grief process, and it is important to spend the time to move through that with deliberate awareness and dignity. Eventually the loss becomes integrated into the understanding that all things begin and end in some particular fash-ion. The trick is to be okay, even without knowing when or who might be exiting next.
Situations can change quickly. Your apartment building is sold, and suddenly you have a new landlord you’ve never heard of. Your department at work is consolidated with another, and you lose a favorite coworker. A very good friend gets married and moves to another part of the country, creating a new life that no longer includes spending much time with you. Your children grow up and no longer need daily attention from you. You have to retool and redefine yourself at each of these junctures.
This may seem like a lot of work, but the truth is, the conscious release of what is leaving allows you to be more present for whatever is happening in the present. The mystics and philosophers who implore you to be here now absolutely know what they are talking about. If you can be engaged in the moment-by-moment of life each day, there is lesser reason to dwell on fears and anxieties. You will be too busy enjoying yourself and noting the marvel of existence!
How CBT Can Help with Anxiety
CBT will definitely help with anxiety because it takes you through the step by step process of noticing and writing down your specific fears and anxieties (awareness, identifying the self-talk behind the anxiety, monitoring the physical symptoms of anxiety, and taking yourself through actions that move you to a level of comfort with the formerly teared situation.
It becomes important to cultivate a belief that you are not at the mercy of your symptoms or habitual worries and fears. What is important is the perception of what is real and true for you. Such deliberate acts of thought take What Is Healthy Anger?
Anger felt and expressed in situations of injustice and real transgression is healthy. You may feel your blood pressure rising when you read about political or business dishonesty and feel that you want to do something about it.
Of course, in life you have to pick your battles, but constructive action in the face of injustice is a healthy expression of anger. You may write a letter to your congressional representative or sign a petition asking to have an issue placed on a ballot. Healthy anger leads to constructive change.
Epictetus, a first-century philosopher, said, “What disturbs people’s minds is not events but their judgments on events.” He also believed that you choose to react to others’ obnoxious behavior when other responses might be a better choice.
What Is Unhealthy Anger?
Unhealthy anger occurs when the intense emotion of anger blurs the judgment of the person or persons. Instead of becoming agitated by the behavior of another person, it is the very existence of the other person that induces rage. These out-of-control emotions lead to bodily harm of others, criminal acts, and general disruption of life, not to mention the hazards of physical stress to the body. With unhealthy anger, motivations of revenge and punishment move to the forefront, and the enraged person often overgeneralizes ethnic groups, political persuasions, and any number of other variables of human existence. It becomes not just about that one person who did a reprehensible act, but about that whole group of people who act that way all the time.
Domestic Violence
Anger is a consistent component of the cycle of domestic violence. The violent spouse has certain irrational beliefs-that he is entitled to dominate at all costs and that he is entitled to express his needs in a violent way. The victim also has irrational beliefs-that she must stay with this partner in
National surveys reveal that as many as 28 percent of couples experience at least one episode of physical violence during their years together. More and more, mental health professionals are recoanizina that violence includes emotional abuse and excessive control over financial matters and freedom of movement.
With the help of CBT, the victim in the domestic violence cycle can learn some new “act as if” thinking, feeling, and behaviors that may go a long way to diffuse the situation. Instead of cowering in the corner, one can breathe deeply, realizing one’s immensely beautiful essence, and envision a cloud of grace settling into the room. By staying with the person and the violent situa-tion, at least to the point of no longer being afraid, one deconditions oneself out of the automatic participation in the cycle. This is not to say that someone may not permanently exit at some point, but it can be done with safety and dignity, in one’s own time, not as a reactive, extremist measure.
Society is slow to develop structured programs for abusers in domestic violence situations, but if one is persistent, one can find groups and therapists who are available to help. CBT for the abuser might include an examination of background attitudes that lead to domestic outbursts. Was there violence in the childhood home? Are there difficulties of poverty and unem-ployment? Is addiction a factor? What are the beliefs about power between the sexes? Is the individual willing to learn new beliefs and behaviors?
Consequences of Unhealthy Anger
Repressed or out of control anger may result in bodily symptoms of stomach problems, heart disease, elevated blood pressure, headaches, depression, anxiety, or problems with addictions. One may experience inner anguish and turmoil while plotting revenge. One may become withdrawn or outwardly hostile, creating relational problems in every area of life.
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